Dear Lara,
Thank you for contacting ChangeOfAddresses.com. As stated on the website's terms and conditions, if any errors were made in processing your address change, or if any of the information provided to us needs to be modified, we'll be happy to make the appropriate corrections for no extra charge. Additionally, we are able to reverse any address changes that were made on your behalf if you would like, but please note that no refund will be given if an address change is reversed. Refunds will only be offered for duplicate transactions processed on www.changeofaddresses.com. For more information, please visit http://changeofaddresses.com/terms.
You may reference www.changeofaddresses.com for complete details on pricing for the services provided. Please note that ChangeOfAddresses.com is not affiliated with the United States Postal Service, as disclosed on www.chanegofaddresses.com.
Sarah M
Change Of Addresses Support
Dear Sarah M.,
If only one could harness the energy human minds use to plot ways to take advantage of one another and apply it towards alleviating suffering in all of its ghastly forms. If only the affection that human hearts feel towards their families and their properties and their shiny objects could somehow be gathered and devoted to this end. If only systems operated to ease human burden rather than piling more on its back.
You see, Sarah M., I am having a crisis of faith. I am not blaming you for this, since the advent was evident long ago, but as the last nail in the coffin, the final strike of the hammer that secured it is still ringing in my ears. If I could just go to sleep in my coffin, or somehow find the strength to burst out, this fate may not trouble me. But the truth is that I am dead.
"How can you be dead when you are thinking and writing, not to mention hearing a ringing in your ears?" You ask, puckering your clean, satisfied lips and clutching your tan bosom with veinless arms. That is a clever point Sarah M., but since you are quite probably a machine your astute observation does not surprise me. In fact, as sure as I am that I am dead, I am sure that you are a machine, because if you were a human, you would rise from your cubicle and shout "I cannot live as a thief and a swindler any longer! My heart is swimming in despair!" you would throw off your chains, storm out of the stupefying fortress in which you spend your empty life and toss yourself naked into the mud.
A human would respond this way to your condition because, like a thief who strikes vulnerable houses at midnight in black nylon, your stealthy tapping under florescent light is the same, but worse, since you are living a life of pretense. Superficially convinced that you are better than a common crook because you steal with the armor of small print to defend you and you have a picture of your new baby on your desk, a golden cross around your neck and walls of framed computer vomit behind your bobbing head. And also unlike a professional thief, who more than likely steals from those of means, you steal from the poorly resourced, for whom small sums of money are not really money at all, but sustenance and another day above the surface of the water. If you were human your conscience would be crawling like a pile of horny bugs.
"But you are having a crisis of faith about human nature. So, could that mean, that what you describe is consistent with my humanity and not proof of its absence?" You say, typing furiously on shiny black keys, your hacked blond hair streaked with red, perhaps to symbolize the blood you are about to drain from the vanquished, or your refusal to conform. Like when you got your tattoos, you only refuse to conform when conformity allows it. I know your type, Sarah M. Like your thievery, your rebellion is a fashion, a façade, stamped with authenticity by the regulators because it is not an overt threat to the integrity of the seams of the capitalist tapestry.
"Pishaw!" You spit, and your spit lands on the corner of your favorite quote, which you are proud to say you have embroidered yourself into a small white pillow while watching back to back episodes on your new couch fashioned from the skin of your victims, and the quote says something about accepting things that cannot change, "Buyer beware! It's all there! All you needed to know was there!" you speak in rhymes, for some reason.
I will take responsibility for my end, but you must take responsibility for yours. My only excuse for falling for your swindle is exhaustion. That, and I am a person who is ignorant and a sucker and all of those things you say I am. I'll give you some insight into my mind, Sarah M. I am aware of only two things that compel me: a desire to create and a giant clock ticking over my head. These are the forces at work in my brain. You see, practical concerns such as documents and insurance policies and rent agreements and deadlines and the accoutrements of capitalism puts me in a psychogenic fugue, so I avoid them, or when faced with them in an unsurmountable blockade standing in the way of my carrying on, I give them the least amount of time possible. This is where I made my mistake and clicked on your site instead of the right one and failed to read the small print or see the logo.
But whereas my state of mind is not a choice I make, your deceitful business is. This deception on top of your crooked means of survival places you further out on the leading tail of the bell curve of human dignity than those common thieves we discussed. Only murderers and corrupt politicians trail behind you. I'll send you a glossy colorful brochure if this would help to illustrate the point.
I am sorry, Sarah M., for I realize I am being harsh with you. I blame this carelessness on the crisis of faith. The crisis of faith has turned this romantic into a cynic, this idealist into a misanthrope. I scowl openly now at strangers, thrust my anger at screeching children, malign expressions of public intimacy. I mutter terrible things under my breath following the slightest infraction of my convenience on disturbance in the field of my lethargy. Why, just yesterday, I shouted at young lovers, "Get a room! No one wants to view your pathetic slobbering. Slobber, as you know, is brought about because your hormones have kicked you into fight or flight. I advise you to flee! This slobbering will get you nowhere but the VD clinic or divorce court!" .
I used to smile at young lovers, Sarah M. I used to think that I, too, could step high and glow with the thrill of new romance. Actually now even more than when I was young. Since you are probably young, Sarah M., your head full of television fantasy, I will tell you that despite the lies of T.V., a woman becomes more beautiful as she ages since all of her muscles relax and her mind expands and she...she...well, never mind. This is my former self speaking. Before the crisis of faith. More consistent with my cynicism, I will just say that a man does not become more debonair as he ages but is curdled by cowardice.
That was not a digression. That was me trying to bond with you by offering maternal wisdom. If you are not a heterosexual woman but instead a man or a machine or a member of the LGBT community or some combination of those, the advice still stands: do not listen to the lies of television, and the sentiment still stands: I am a cynic but I'm trying to fight that cynicism by forgiving you and being your friend.
What we need, Sarah M., besides sustaining the ability to love, is a cause. A cause would awaken you from the foam-walled theatre of office life and would revive me from my coffined death. Camus, who I am now reading since I have the time thanks to not reading the service agreement of Changeofaddresses.com resulting in me being swindled out of forty precious dollars and culminating in this loving relationship you and I now share, in his letters to a imaginary German friend, discussed a truck full of doomed French prisoners. Some of these prisoners had committed acts of resistance against the German occupation, and some had done nothing at all. Fear paralyzed the innocent but pride lifted the spirits of the guilty. Facing the execution was easier for the latter group. This is how powerful a cause can be.
So where is the enemy towards which we should launch this cause? The enemy is not you. The enemy is the system of American style capitalism. It is a metal machine with no lubricant. It grinds and crushes spirits. It molds joy into perfect blocks, lashes them with a pretty ribbons and sells them for a dollar a piece. Or maybe less if nobody wants them. Art is a computer barfing on a page. Love is a blood soaked common rock from the belly of the earth bubbling up in the fountain of an asphalt parking lot. Anger is a tee-shirt. Freedom is death machine.
You get the picture, Sarah M. We are sisters, surviving like hungry rats in an apocalypse. Let's join forces. But first, be a peach and refund my forty dollars.
Dear, Lara,
We're sorry to hear you are not happy with the services we have provided. Although it is our policy not to provide refunds in this circumstance, as all promised services have been rendered at the time of payment, we will make a one-time exception in your case and will refund the full amount. Please note that your change of address order has not been cancelled with the USPS, so if you would like us to please let us know as soon as possible. We hope this resolves the situation to your liking. Please allow 5 - 10 business days for your credit card company to process and reflect the refund in your account. In the meantime, if you have any questions, feel free to reach out.
Regards,
Sarah M.
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