by Lara Samuels RN BSN MS IBS EBM (Economist Beekeeper Musician) and GLMEWD (General Loud Mouth Especially when Drunk)
Abstract:
Semolina pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
Elementary penguin singing Hari Krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.
I am the egg man, they are the egg men.
I am the walrus, goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob.
Goo goo g'joob g'goo goo g'joob g'goo
(Lennon, 1967)
Introduction:
Around the late nineties when the majority of Americans began cowering in fear from the dangerous rays of the sun (Samuels, 2002), and therefore started regularly slathering obscene amounts of sunscreen on themselves after bathing with carcinogenic hygiene products (Samuels, 2014), and then hopping in their carcinogenic convertibles and heading to the Tobacco Festival (Samuels, 2014), we have been suffering from Vitamin D deficiencies higgely piggely (People & People, 21st century). Highly correlated to this phenomenon (See Figure One Way to Rock) is the rise in two particular vague complaints by Forty-something women. The first, characterized by mysterious digestive problems is called "IBS" (a term cooked up to provide these silly women with a diagnosis so they'll shut up and to ensure that pharmaceutical companies and other snake oil salesmen will have the opportunity to take advantage of their desperation. Besides, they might still qualify as sex objects so they shouldn't be farting), and the second, characterized by generalized body pain is called "fibromyalgia" (a term cooked up also to provide these silly women with a diagnosis so that they'll shut up and to ensure that pharmaceutical companies and other snake oil salesmen will have the opportunity to take advantage of their desperation. Besides, most of these women have been through childbirth and therefore have no idea what pain really is).
Figure One Way to Rock
These two diagnoses send young doctors of any gender and older male doctors (since older female doctors are suffering from the same thing) into fits of lapsing professionalism as they shove the offending female out of their offices with pockets full of Oxycontin, Lyrica, Linzess, or whatever the hell else they are getting kick-backs for and hope that the woman never returns: Unless she has a Pulmonary Embolism or a Myocardial Infarction or Transient Ischemic Attack or something more understandable (Samuels, 2012).
However, after noticing a relationship between exposing herself to more sunlight and a vast improvement in her own IBSish and fibromyalgiaish symptoms, not to mention a year-old blood test that indicated that she was, in fact, Vitamin D deficient, this intrepid anti-researcher found a couple of articles on-line that got her thinking (Artaza and Norris, 2008) (Dickson and Maher, 1985) (Ianino etal, 2012) (Sprott, Mueller and Heine, 1998): "Gee, if I weren't so lazy and I could do some actual science I might design an experiment to see if most of what women like me are suffering from is actually a Vitamin D deficiency causing excess collagen to build up in the connective tissues lining the skin and gut {since the gut is basically skin on the inside} leading to pain and poor digestion."
So, that's my hypothesis. Shall I repeat it? A lack of Vitamin D causes excess collagen production leading to the symptoms of IBS and Fibromyalgia...and for some reason peri-menopausal women are more susceptible but who knows why. I mean, estrogen and vitamin D are both steroids, so maybe there's a connection there.
Methods:
Methods? What?! I don't have any methods! I made 1300 ml of really bad coffee, read a few credible looking articles and then drew wild conclusions from them based on my pre-existing patchy knowledge of biology and my own recent experience. I then decided to write a mock scientific article because it's fun to write a blog-post this way.
However, I will use this section to make a confession: I've always hated the fucking methods section. I mean, yes, I know, methods are important so people can see how you did the experiment and look for reasons to call you a hack and/or repeat the experiment which they never do (Hinterland, 2014). But boy, what a pain in the ass. The dullest part of the dullest part of science, I say.
Results:
Article #1: Artaza and Norris: Vitamin D reduces the expression of collagen, increases the expression of "anti-fibrotic factors" (things that normally reduce the expression of collagen and other things that look like fibers under a microscope) and decreases the expression of "pro-fibrotic factors (things that normally increase the expression of collagen and other things that look like fibers under a microscope). Incidentally, these "factors" like pro-TGF (Thank God its Friday factor) and anti-TNF (Thank Norse Gods that its Friday factor) are also related to the process of inflammation that occurs when you stick a needle in your finger. By mistake or on purpose. Depending on how sick and/or clutzy you are.
Bottom Line: Vitamin D decreases collagen and may be related to inflammation.
Article #2: Dickson and Maher: Vitamin D increases Collagen resorption (entry into the blood) and decreases its synthesis.
Bottom Line: Vitamin D decreases collagen.
Article #3: Ianino, G, etal: There is this thing called "Microsocopic Colitis" where people poop 10-15 times a day but there is no obvious cause (like there is with Inflammatory Bowel Diseases) until one examines the tissue and one notices that there is a lot of collagen there. I assume that their continuous pooping also involves bloating, abdominal pain, and farting, much like IBS.
Bottom Line: Excess deposits of collagen can cause digestive disturbances like those of IBS.
Article #4: Sprott, Mueller and Heine: Oh, they said it best: "Decreased levels of collagen cross-linking may contribute to remodeling of the extracellular matrix..." {one of my personal favorite biology phrases, it just means the shit that the cells are embedded it} "...and collagen deposition around the nerve fibers in fibromyalgia and contribute to the lower pain threshold at the tender points."
Bottom Line: Excess deposits of collagen can cause pain like that experienced by people with Fibromyalgia.
Grand Bottom Line:
If Vitamin D decreases collagen, then maybe a lack of it increases collagen leading to its deposition in the skin and gut and causing both IBS, Fibromyalgia, and who knows what else considering its association with inflammation as well (other auto-immune disorders?).
Discussion:
Holy shit, I think I fixed myself. I've gotta say, though, one probably can't get enough Vitamin D by taking a supplement (Samuels, 2014), I gather that one has to go out in the scary sun without that slippery stuff one likes to slather on oneself. Why? I mean, the fact that people are scared of the FUCKING SUN, the provider of all that is, in the first place is related to our pathology as a society (Samuels, 2014). I know it causes skin cancer and skin cancer is as serious as, well, skin cancer, but really? Thirty minutes a day?
Look, let's look at the facts and then not reference them. First, Vitamin D is a very unique vitamin because, unlike all of the other vitamins, there are very few foods that contain it naturally (People & People, 19th or 20th century) yet it is so important that almost every cell in the body contains receptors for it (People & People, 21st century) and it is linked to the processes I mentioned plus other processes that I'm sure are to come since we are probably just hitting the tip of the iceberg when it comes to nutrition (Samuels, 2014) or that we already know but I'm too lazy today to find out about.
You go out in the sun and your skin starts making Vitamin D. The Sun has been there since Huitzilopochtli and his friends decided to attack the sea monster Cipactli, and this was long before they decided to sacrifice a god and create man and woman from the god's blood (Aztecs, 12th-15th century). Given all these facts, doesn't it make sense that we evolved to get it this way and NOT orally?
Okay, taking a supplement probably won't hurt (though it might since almost everything is poisonous in large quantities and this is a fat soluble vitamin, which just means you store it in your body and don't piss it out.). But the sun is the key. Try it. See if your generalized pain, inflammation, weird lumps under your skin, bloating, etc. stops. I'd give it a month or two.
**Read the bloody References since they are part of the essay.
References
Artaza, J. and K. Norris (2008). Vitamin D reduces the expression of collagen and key profibrotic factors by inducing an artifibrotic phenotype in mesencymal multipotent cells. Journal of Endocrinology. bloghttp://joe.endocrinology-journals.org/content/200/2/207.abstractence
Aztecs, The (12th to 15th Century). Myths translated from some kind of codex or the writings of bloodthirsty Conquistadors
Dickson, I. R., and P.M. Maher (1985). The influence of vitamin D metabolites of collagen synthesis by chick cartilage in organ culture. Journal of Endocrinology. http://joe.endocrinology-journals.org/content/105/1/79.abstract
Hinterland, Blasphemer from the (2014). Random facts based on reading the headlines and first line of all kinds of crap. Pineapple Studios Non-Publications.
Ianino, G etal. (2012) Microscopic Colitis. World Journal of Gastroenterology. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3501768/
Lennon, John and Perhaps Paul McCartney. (1967). I am the Walrus.
People, Multiple and Credible People (18th - 21st century). We actually base our conclusions on science and don't just pull stuff out of our ass or make up myths. Multiple Credible Publications.
Samuels, Lara (2010-2012). Speculations, Observations, Imaginations, Inferences, and Personal Experiences drawn from a life on earth interacting with humans and being generally curious about the world. Dead Bee Farms Pseudo-Publications.
Sprott, H., Mueller, A., and H. Heine (1998). Collagen cross links in Fibromyalgia Syndrome. Z Rhematology. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/10025083.
Addendum:
I think it's strange that the link has been made between vitamin D and collagen (See articles cited above)
...and the link has been made between collagen and fibromyalgia and at least one digestive disorder that seems like an extreme version of IBS. (See articles cited above)
And, the link has been made between vitamin D and fibromyalgia/IBS (See articles cited below)
Article 1: This first article makes the link between taking vitamin D and the easing of fibromyalgia symptoms:
http://www.painjournalonline.com/article/S0304-3959(13)00541-1/abstract
Article 2: This second article makes the link between taking vitamin D and the easing of IBS symptoms:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23239770
But STILL everyone says "there is no known cause" for IBS/Fibromyalgia. What about COLLAGEN DEPOSITS CAUSED BY A LACK OF VITAMIN D? It seems pretty obvious to me that this is a VERY PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION.
Once again, I am not promoting supplements. Supplements can be toxic in large amounts and probably aren't the best way to get it anyway. I'm promoting sun exposure. You don't have to take a pill, you don't have to go to the doctor, just make it part of your daily routine to go out in the sun for 30 minutes without sunscreen on in shorts and a tee-shirt, and if it's too cold, cloudy, don't worry, Vitamin D is stored in your fat cells so you should be okay.
No comments:
Post a Comment